Viewing those pictures reminds me of the past. How happy i was back then. With someone i love so much. I always tell myself that i will never love him again after what he had done to me. But now? Im confused myself. Is it true that my love for him was too strong that its hard for me to let go of it? I find her lucky to have him in her life. Very lucky. Hes actually a great guy but for what he done to me in the past make me hate him so much. But forgiving is not the issue here. If God can forgive him for all his sins why cant i do the same thing right? Do i have to admit this? Am i still having feelings for him? Is the love for him still in my heart? But is it worth it for me to keep it in my heart when the love he had for me had long fade away? Do i still love him? These are the questions that i kept asking myself but i just cant get the answer to it. Yes, i admit im jealous seeing couple out there, laughing, hugging, kissing, you know all those things that couple like to do. Holding hands, saying I love you. Kissing the forehead. Being there whenever you need a shoulder to cry on. I find that all these are missing in my life. But i dont wanna rush things. I dont wanna do the same mistake i did in the past. But im still confused about myself. I dont know if the love for him still exist when my mouth have said that i love him no more. *wiping tears*
Its super hard for me. I dont have anyone to talk to and i mean someone really special. Someone that care share my happiness and sadness together. I may have fallen for some guys but i find that only as infatuation. Nothing more. Its hard for me to give my love away. Because i used to dedicate my entire heart and love to him. I have done alot of sacrifices but i guess he didnt saw that. OMG! Im crying. Believe it or not. Im not suppose to cry and most importantly to think about all this. But its just that i miss doing all those couple thingy. I miss all that. I dont have anyone special to do it with. Holy shit! My eyes are already red. I hope no one will see this condition of mine right now. Im jealous of everyone that is happy with their partner and always meeting them, msging them every single time. And without doubt, saying I LOVE YOU more than ten times in one day. I miss doing all that. But i judt cant do that with anyone now. I hope someone can just come to me and sweep me off my feet and make me forget about all this. My Romeo. When will he ever come? When will i ever get the tingling feeling i get whenever i look in someone's eyes, esp the one i love so much? When will all that happen? *cross fingers* I hope it will happen soon. I really do. It hurts me so much to see all this happening to me. I might look happy, smiling and laughing but inside? Only God knows how hurt and sad i am. I dont tend to show them. Only my Romeo can sense it. Esp when he looks into my eyes, he will actually know my real feeling.
Well, i think ima going to freshen up myself. Im going to wash my face before someone saw me crying like this. Its bad. I have never cried this bad before after that incident happen almost 2 months ago. Really. Omg. I hope i have the strength to continue living my life. And i hope i can find my Romeo really soon. Where are you Romeo? Please save me from all this misery.
I will update more tomorrow i guess. I dont think i can continue. I dont wanna continue srying this much. I guess i will keep the rest in my heart first. I will update the rest when i feel like letting it out. So take care. So long. Bye!
Much love
♥Superwoman